Downhill
by lumos maximum
Summary: /"You weren't destined to fall in love but you're Lily Potter. You're young, dumb and a bit too rebellious for your own good. You are not reason, nor sense, you're just passion and he is your fuel."/ Written for the Teddy/Lily Challenge at HPFFC.


**SWEDISH A/N:** For **Misswhiteblack**'s Teddy/Lily Challenge over at HPFFC.

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**Downhill**  
_By: Lumos Maximum_

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_Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?_  
_ Well you can try sleeping in my bed_  
_ Lonely, only, nobody ever shut it down like you_  
- Alicia Keys

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You weren't destined to fall in love but you're Lily Potter. You're young, dumb and a bit too rebellious for your own good. You are not reason, nor sense, you're just passion and he is your fuel. He, who usually has turquoise hair, dark brown eyes and worn out lines around his eyes despite having his whole life ahead of him. Yes, he who took you for ice-cream when you were smaller but today carries you home when you aren't so sober. You are fascinated by him, the one they call Teddy Lupin, the legacy of the Second War. He never likes being reminded of those who weren't there to love him so you always tell him that he is loved.

Because of you he often smiles, you know this, you're the reason he is whispering that he is happy. He even writes you letters sometimes, telling you that you are one of a kind, that you are intriguing and magnificent and extraordinary. You feel like that because if he says so, the man who you can't even being to describe with words, then it must be true. To you, he's visible, extraordinary and all the synonyms of amazing that you know. Just because of that you spot him easily wherever he is, despite morphed form, hair color or nose. It's the way he walks, the way he considers every step and the way that the world seems so cold in his eyes. From a far you dream of walking next to him with your hand resting in his and when it finally happens you intend to walk at his side until eternity ends.

Because you know he will have you, and you'll love him because his love is all there is.

It's when you finally get the guts to whisper some words a little louder, during a family dinner at the Burrows, that everyone knows what you truly want. You dare to whisper that you love him in a way you should not with a shaky, unsteady voice. They all gasp before they fall into a silence that is echoing in your head, knowing that the untamed smile across your face is because of his effect on you. Judging by the look of horror, shame and confusion in his sharp eyes you know that he wishes nothing more than to morph into a chair if he could. But you can't help it, you can't help feeling, so your words form in your mouth without passing through any filter. You say that nobody will ever love him like you do, this time you speak louder and this time without the shaky, unsteady voice because you speak of a truth he should already know.

No, you were not destined to fall in love with Teddy Lupin, but you're Lily Potter and reason and sense are unfamiliar words.

So he takes you aside, awkwardly he grips your arms like a child, and you know you hurt him with your last words. Its when he pushes you towards the wall with an awkward roughness that doesn't fit the smoothness of his temper that it hits you. You realize how firm his hands really are, how the lines around his eyes deepens in the shadows and how his dark brown eyes looks colder when they are so close. He says that you're a child, you disagree, he tells you that he wants the best for you; you ask him what's better than him. He falls into a silence, an infinity where his firm hands are unconscionably stroking your upper arms and his eyes are waiting for you to act. It's a sign; his warm hands against you even warmer arms, so you kiss him like you fantasized you would. It's a forceful second where you plunge into a wet sea with swirls, teeth and soft silk.

But it's only a second before his hands grips your arms harder, his eyes turn crazy and he whispers that he doesn't want you. You must understand that you two will never be like that so you have to stop, he says, your love is nothing more than a little girl imagining things.

You have never left a dinner that fast and arrived at your door. Never have you fumbled with your keys that much before opening your front door. Rarely do your legs bend and make you drop to the floor along with hot, salty tears. You were just in love, a mute, unanswered love. It's when the night starts to fall that you stand up, deciding that tears hurts too much to shed. Slowly you walk towards you bed, slowly you start to strip out of shoes, jackets and socks before reaching the too big bed. The left corner of the bed is where you crumble into a ball, tearless and empty. In the darkness you wonder if he ever tried sleeping with a broken heart because the night is long, dark and he's not there. . .

Sadly you will cry yourself to sleep and you will wake up with red, puffy eyes and vague memories of his small, unimportant words that shut you down. You will swear that you'll never let him hurt your heart again; you'll never give him the chance to push away the one he loves and want to spend his life with. But you will also start to blame yourself for being wrong and during breakfast you will decide to be smarter, whisper lower, observe him better and make him love you in any way. You know that everyday will be a day you will fight for his love but you promise yourself to give up only if one of you dies.

You don't see the madness in pursuing him, only the madness in him denying his love for you. He is yours, you know this, and he loves you – he has to. So, you'll never give up on him because you are Lily Potter, you only feel passion, and Teddy Lupin has always been your fuel.

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